Alzheimer’s changes everyone around the affected person. You might think that with this happening to Mom while I was in my 40’s, well, I was already grown up. That might be true, but what happened anyway is that I grew up. I became more patient, a lot wiser, more empathetic, more in tune with my own feelings, and a LOT OLDER. It aged me quickly. No longer just concerned with my own life, I became the advocate for my parents that they desperately needed. I learned every day how to be that person. I learned what was most important is being there for the people you love and that love you.
During those years from 2018-2023 both my parents passed away. Baby Girl lost two people she adored. I felt abandoned and alone. During those years I lost clients from my barn who could not understand that they were no longer my top priority. I kept clients who understood, and who stood with me. I treasure these people and they are still clients today.
My whole outlook on life changed. My dreams started to swirl around me like West Texas dust, blowing away and becoming faint. I managed to hang on to my business but realized I needed to downsize. After my Mom died, I let go of the “riding school” portion of my business. I no longer provide school horses. Because of this I now only have clients that own or lease their own horses or ponies. I still love to teach, and I love to horseshow. I love these girls like they are my own. Of course I still love ponies.
In 2022 Bruno broke his leg. That was the end of my Pony Finals dream. Baby Girl and I were gutted. Both of us realized from Day 1 that he would never be the same, no matter what happened. You all know that he has recovered in a miraculous way, but there is still no Pony Finals future for him. For a year we rehabbed him and Baby Girl rode a different pony that she wasn’t exactly fond of. Finally, we found and bought Prince, through the help of my inheritance. I tell Dad thanks every day, sending gratitude up to Heaven, that a rainbow was given to us after the storm.
These days my dreams are a little different. I can see the log cabin type house that we want to build in East Texas in my mind. I see the piney woods and the red dirt. I see the small barn I want to build, the garden which will not grow anything because I have no green thumb, I see a pond with Canadian Geese. I hear the racoons at night and the mosquitos swarm as I sit on the porch sipping sweet tea. I see Baby Girl coming up the drive, on a visit from college, and I stand up to greet her and thrust a glass of tea into her hand. I see the Maine Coon cat I want lurking around the doorways, just trying to get in the way. Sometimes I see baby goats.
I see myself writing, a published author. I see Tony out the picture windows of my office, tinkering in his garage he wants to build. I see sunny days and chilly Christmases with our small family. I see only Bruno, Prince and Hugo grazing in their paddock. I see a different me. A more relaxed me. Someone who isn’t always rushing against the clock to “get things done.” I see vacations and cruises and enjoying the downtime.
I see peace at last.
