For the first year and a half of her life Baby Girl refused to say Mama. I waited impatiently for the day she would call out from her crib – Mama! Mama! Instead, when she wanted my attention she would just cry. You’d think her first word would have been Mama or Dada or something fairly normal. Nope. Her first word was Meow. Because the damn cat never shuts up. Well now that makes two of them. Once Baby Girl figured out the Mama thing (or at least decided she was going to actually use the word – I swear she was holding out because it entertained her to watch my frustration) – she has not shut up since. I gather most kids are like this. MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMA progressing eventually to MOMMOMMOMMOMMOM!
The kid is awfully cute when she’s talking. She’s trying hard to figure out colors – and she’ll say PINK! BUE! WED! YEWWOW! but doesn’t match them to the correct colors yet. Oddly, she knows all the letters of her name if you ask her – and she also knows P, B and O. I have no idea why these particular letters seem to be her favorites. She’s getting easier to understand too which is nice. She’ll say “I DO! I TOO POTTY!” or “I TOO SIDE!” Which means you are putting on your shoes or jacket and she’s panicking because God Forbid you go outside without her. Anytime she wants to do something with you, she’ll put the TOO in front of the word she wants to do – so adorable. Of course this comes with some drawbacks. She’ll want to DO TOO things that are not close to being acceptable. Like cook bacon. Or open the oven. Or push the buttons on the washing machine 40 times. When she does get to do something, she’ll say I DID IT!! She’s so delighted with herself. She’ll say I did it! for just about anything.
She currently has two new favorite phrases. One is “I can’t do it.” Oh boy. (Roll my eyes). I usually respond with “Oh yes. You can.” Because it’s usually something simple like move a toy from one spot to another or throw something in the trash or brush her teeth. Something she simply doesn’t want to do. If she gets frustrated or mad she will start to scream. I’ve had to threaten her with timeouts over the screaming. I had no idea a 2 year old could scream like that. The volume and pitch of the screaming is like ice picks in my eyeballs. I’ve taken to hiding in my office hoping she won’t find me anytime I sense she’s getting frustrated.
Her other current favorite is “one second.” The kid uses this phrase to procrastinate over everything from changing her diaper to getting dressed to taking a bath. The first two times she said it we just died laughing. She even holds up one finger to accentuate the one second. Of course if you ignore her and continue to do whatever it is you were trying to do she quickly accelerates the one second plea to screaming, as above.
Sissy’s favorite is when Baby Girl says “is cute!” which she’ll say for just about anything. A shirt, a stuffed animal, a cookie – “aww, is cute!” Usually followed by a hug or a kiss. Pretty darn adorable really. My favorite thing is when she says yes. It’s really nice to hear after all the billions of Nos I’ve gotten in the past year. You can finally ask her if she wants something and she’ll say either Yes or No. Thank God. Of course, no still prevails most of the time but at least now I know she knows the difference.
And then there is the Repeat Button. If you even attempt to ignore anything Baby Girl says you are setting yourself up for “MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMA I CAN’T DO IT I CAN’T DO IT MAMA MAMA MAMA FLY MAMA BUG MAMA I CAN’T MAMA HEP HEP MAMA I CAN’T DO IT” until you sigh, get up from your cozy office chair and go get the damn fly swatter so the kid will stop driving you crazy over a fly that will fly away before you find it anyway. And then she’ll say “Where go?” Well, little one, I’m sure with all your screaming you probably busted it’s little ears out and it died a sad, painful death somewhere where you will eventually find it upside down on the floor slightly close to one of your toys which will inadvertently cause another meltdown. Even though it’s dead.
And don’t even try to get yourself a nice sweet tea from Sonic or Chicken Express without intending to share. You’ll get “I TOO TEA I TOO TEA I TOO TEA” incessantly. Even while you are in the process of pouring her tea into her cup or putting her straw in. GEEZ US KID gimme a damn minute! I’m getting you tea!
So the moral of the story is don’t teach your children to talk. Ha ha, just kidding. I just wish they came with an off button, or at least volume control. For those moments in your life when you just can’t take it anymore. I may invest in some ear plugs…
