Ah… those golden moments of peace and quiet… you’re actually getting into your work – enjoying the silence – WAIT. SILENCE? Oh Shit.
If there is silence there must also be something going on. Something you are not yet aware of. Something that is going to make you cringe or cry or go open a new bottle. Do you go look? Do you ignore it and hope it’s nothing more than Baby Girl sweetly reading books to herself? OK I have to look. Take a peek around the corner. Shit oh Dear. She’s not reading. She is coloring. On the windowsill and on herself. With purple marker. She is having a grand time.
Well of course you have to whip out your phone and take a picture of the naughtiness before you cry or laugh or scream. If you’re lucky she won’t even notice you taking the picture and you’ll get a good one you can use for blackmail someday before you rush forward into the madness to remove the purple marker from her purple fingers and listen to the ensuing screaming of injustice. Coloring on the wall is also a favorite. Seems ok since you haven’t gotten around to re-painting that wall yet. Only to discover the paint you have chosen doesn’t quite cover up the crayon marks. And you’ve already painted the entire rest of the room. Shit oh Dear.
A few days ago I was wondering where the precious Angel was since I was cooking dinner and not hearing a peep from her. Assumed she was watching TV. Y’all. Do not assume. It’s bad for your heart. With trepidation I start searching the house. Finally find Baby Girl in Mama and Daddy’s closet quietly and methodically ripping ALL THE BOWS OFF THE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS. That were hidden. From her. Until Santa Claus came tonight. So much for the element of surprise on Christmas morning. Although, since she also ripped most of the name tags off, there could be a bit of surprise since I am not at all sure I put the tags back on the right packages. I seriously almost had a heart attack.
Speaking of heart attacks, the other night my husband practically had one. We were eating dinner at Babe’s (Chicken for those who don’t know) and as we were finishing up Baby Girl wanted to sit on my lap. In order to avoid any whining or bad behavior I let her. So Sissy and my husband’s cop partner were sitting across the table with hubby and I sitting next to each other. The guys were talking, Baby Girl was being quiet and happy and I was simply enjoying drinking my Sweet Iced Tea. All of a sudden Sissy starts snickering and pokes my husband’s partner and he starts laughing too. Then he says “Hey um, Tony, you might want to take a look….” Hubby looks where they are pointing at Baby Girl and does a complete double take and says Oh! OH SHIT! Baby Girl had gotten a panti liner out of my purse and had unwrapped it and was playing with it. Even better – she would not let me take it away from her! If you can’t cry you gotta laugh right?
Sometimes it’s just bad parenting judgement that makes us cringe. Like letting your two year old take a piece of sidewalk chalk in the car seat with her. Next thing you know the car seat straps, the snuggie and the child are covered in pink chalk. Because she was being – you guessed it – QUIET. Or sometimes you fall asleep, um accidentally, on the couch (or your husband does) and things start to happen that are only discovered later. Like writing (again in marker – where does she find them?!) on Mama’s lovely rustic wood desk. Or covering Mama’s computer screen with ink pen scribbles. Or leaving her alone to eat her yogurt only to discover her giving herself a yogurt rub all over her own body. And also the chair. And the table.
What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger right? And Baby Girl is pretty darn adorable even when she’s doing naughty things. We’ll call it character building.
I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas! Peace on Earth, Good Will towards Men.
