It’s 6 am and I’m up. I’m the only one and it’s peaceful. I take a picture of the kid’s new bike in front of the tree and watch the lights twinkle.
She’s never been one to wake up early and pounce on my bed demanding me to “get up it’s Christmas!” Far from disappointing me, I enjoy the peace before the day begins. Our day will not be crazy or hectic, though. That was yesterday. Today’s agenda includes opening gifts, cleaning up wrapping paper, making gingerbread muffins and that’s it really. Oh, and taking a nap. But then, that’s most days for me! Only today my husband gets to relax, too, instead of being handed a honey-do list or the ever-lengthening list for the barn improvements and chores.
The kid always gets to relax (insert eye roll here). I’ve decided, now that she’s ten, that I should upgrade her nickname to the kid, instead of Baby Girl.
Yesterday was a time of quiet reflection for me. I spent the entire day cleaning, cooking and cajoling. Finally got the kid to complete most of her chores, and I got the beds re-made and the floor vacuumed. I wanted the house clean so that it would be nice for Sissy and her boyfriend when they came over and so that I could fully relax on Christmas Day. Who else needs their space clean and organized before they can relax?! But it was while I was cooking that the real reflection came. My Mom. My Dad. Weren’t here to help and laugh with me. Mom was always in the kitchen. Dad always getting up to no good with some project he insisted that “T” help him with. We thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company. The laughs were epic, the memories very powerful.
It’s the chopping of vegetables for me. I can’t do it and not think of my Mom. Feel her there, hear her voice. It’s evening and I can hear my Dad say “we need to feed the nags?” and asking when we’re going to eat. They’re both with me, all the time.
Christmas used to be different. I helped, not did. I bought gifts for family and my parents basically did the rest. Now I’m the parent. And I do it all. Tony was just as surprised as the kid when she opened her presents. His lone contribution was to put the new bike together and add the basket for Luna to the handlebars. He was also in charge of the cookies and milk left out for Santa. This is what I handled: gifts for EVERYONE (starting as early as August – I’m no slouch!), the cleaning, the wrapping, buying the tree, setting up the tree (Tony helped), decorating the tree, decorating the house, cleaning, creating the 2025 calendars for the kid and the MIL, ordering the gifts, going to stores to purchase gifts, the liquor store, more gifts, more wrapping, the menu for Christmas Eve (when Sissy and her crew comes over), the cooking, the baking, the grocery shopping, the post office, the Christmas Cards, the photos for said cards. What have I missed? I skipped decorating the barn this year, I skipped lights on the house. I mean, you can only do so much.
I’m not saying I’m a hero, all Moms do so much. It just felt like a lot, yesterday. And I was exhausted. I started “celebrating” early, at 3 pm – it felt like a good time to start. And who wants to cook dinner without a little drink? I was worried about my pork tenderloin. I asked Tony to grab BBQ from Clark’s on the way home. Momentary panic when we realized they weren’t open. Decided we would eat the pork and just go with it (it actually turned out just fine and very edible).
We still have horses to take care of. Today I need to clean stalls. Last night we had to turn out ponies (I made the kid and Daddy do this as I was cleaning up after dinner.) Oh, what about the Christmas dishes and setting the table? I did that. When Sissy made it to the house about 4 pm, she had little B with her, but the boyfriend didn’t come – he has a daughter, too, and she was sick. I felt the pressure lift. I don’t know why I felt so worried about the boyfriend coming, but I’ll put it down to my social insecurities. Love how Sissy steps in and helps cook when she is here, while PaPa T chases little B around, swooping him up and staring out the window at the horses. No outside, PaPa says, we aren’t going outside right now. Little B is miffed. That’s his favorite thing to do.
The kid is excited (somewhat) to get a Bark phone – no apps or data, text and call only at this stage. I told her she has to prove she can be responsible and take care of it and not abuse it or hurl abuse at me, before I will upgrade it. But then as Tony and I were trying to get it set up I accidentally blocked my own phone number and I can’t figure out how to unblock it. Annoying. Now I have to wait until tomorrow to call someone about it. So she can’t even use it yet.
At any rate, the season is almost over. I’ll have more time to write. More time to relax. It’s going to pour again tomorrow so I’ll have more time to nap (and clean more stalls). Last year I refused to do much for “the season” as I was intensely grieving my Mom and I was sad and depressed. This year I did too much. Was it worth it? Absolutely. Everyone is happy. Even me. Especially me. I got warm fuzzy boots that I love and Winnie the pooh socks. What could be better?!
Merry Christmas everyone! I sincerely hope you have a very relaxing day. I’ll be here, trying to focus on what I manage to have and hold onto, instead of what’s missing so much.
Much love to all.
Julie
