**Disclaimer** If you are offended by cuss words I’d advise you to stop reading now.
A few weeks ago I noticed Baby Girl scratching her head. So I did what any mom would do and I ignored it. Just kidding, I really looked at her head. I searched and searched and didn’t see anything. So I moved on. Chalked it up to the continuous weather changes and dry scalp.
A week later Baby Girl got her hair cut. Deep conditioned and three inches shorter – she didn’t seem to be itching anymore. The hair stylist didn’t mention seeing anything odd. I even told her that Baby Girl had been itching and she concurred that it must be dry scalp! So we moved on.
A week after that – last Sunday – we are at my friend’s new house in a sleepy little town called Pelican Bay. Baby Girl and her friend are sitting on the floor playing and I’m standing above her. I look down and I’m like “what the FUCK is that? Friend!!!! Are these fleas?!” She looks. They are so big and so many that I can easily pluck one from her hair. Um. No. OH HOLY SHIT IT’S LICE. My whole world stops moving. I panic. I throw up a little in my mouth. I toss Baby Girl in the car and my wheels screech as I spin out of the driveway.
AND I IMMEDIATELY GET PULLED OVER. By the Pelican Bay policeman who must be the only one on duty and must be bored out of his mind. I’m like WHY?!?! Why dude why? I have got to get this kid home and burn my house down! I’ve got heads to shave! WHY did you pull me over?
Ma’am you didn’t use your blinker coming out of the subdivision.
(By the way I was turning RIGHT. Not left). ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. So of course I tell him my husband is a police officer. And he says oh really? And comes back with just a verbal warning that I need to be more careful. I seethe. I make a big point of using my fucking blinker as I merge back onto the road.
I have, of course, frantically called Tony during this exchange and tell him that A) baby girl has lice and B) I got pulled over. He is way more concerned about the lice (as he should be I suppose). We quickly ascertain that we have some products in the house we can use. We HAVE done this before, unbelieveably when Baby Girl was 18 months? Two years? She somehow got lice even though she literally never left the house unless she was with me at that point. But her hair, though amazingly thick for a two year old, was much much shorter and easier to deal with at that point. I mean, have you guys SEEN Baby Girl’s hair? It’s been like adult hair since she was born. I never even used baby shampoo on it. We had to condition it from about six months old on. It is the thickest, most luxiourius mane you’ve seen this side of an African lion. She’s very very blessed with her hair.
I’m screwed. How in the hell am I going to get a comb through that mess?! And let me assure y’all that her head was CRAWLING with lice. Not just a few. So while I’m speeding like mad to get home – Tony is at home with a blow torch. Seriously – he wouldn’t do that even though I was thisclose to telling him to. But he WAS washing, on high heat, everything in the house. Every blanket, every jacket, comforter, sheet, pillowcase and stuffed animal he could find. We vacummed and shampooed the carpets. We did her hair with the lice killing shampoo and the comb. We used tea tree oil. We did my own hair. We did Tony’s hair.
I bet you are scratching your head right now, am I right? I am.
I tell her teacher she has lice. I didn’t know this but last year the law changed and now kids can attend school whilst having lice in their hair. WHICH IS WHY BABY GIRL HAS IT. WHICH IS WHY WE WILL PROBABLY NEVER COMPLETELY GET RID OF IT. Nobody’s safe. Did I send Baby Girl to school then? You bet I did. To be fair we DID treat her hair before she went. Also to be fair, she’d already been for weeks before we even knew she had it.
Kindergartners are the sweetest lil things ever. You walk in and they all run to hug you. They don’t even know who you are or why you are there. So I can’t imagine how on earth you can keep lice out of a kindergarten classroom. Even if you bug-bombed it every single night. They share hats, and hair bands, and they keep their heads close together over coloring pages and books. They sprawl out on reading carpets and sink into shared bean bags. I mean we are fighting a losing battle here.
I have now treated Baby Girl’s hair three times and tonight will be the fourth. I’ve treated my own hair three times and literally cut six inches off to make it easier on myself. I am pretty sure our house is lice free. Pretty sure. If I see another one I am going to just burn the place down, I swear. I have been in a RAGE all week. I am one tired Mother.
If you see me this week take pity on me and tell me you like my haircut. Tell me life is actually worth living even with lice in it. Bring me wine and chocolate. But for God’s sake don’t hug me.
Just keep treating every ten days and washing and heat drying everything. It’s spring break. That should help ❤️