Here is a fine example of how we deal with food and mealtimes in our house: Baby Girl sees banana on counter. Starts trying to get it for herself. Then yells “reach! reach!” at me. Baby Girl, you don’t even like bananas. “Reach, Reach!! Pweeeezzeee!! WAAAAAA!” Ok fine, here have a banana. Sit in your chair please. No, let me peel it first. Baby girl takes one tiny lick…. “BLEH! NO! DOWN!!!”
Me to Grandma – Mom do you want this banana? “No I never liked bananas.” Sigh. Me neither.
I have read of people (moms) who actually make their own babyfood. Like puree it themselves. Absolutely unbelievable. Baby Girl ate bonafide baby food from plastic Gerber cups only until she figured out that none of the rest of us ate that shit. A friend of mine told me that I should use only glass baby bottles and jars, not plastic. That bit of advice went in one ear and right on out the other. The “What to Expect the Toddler Years” book explains in detail how you should feed the child according to the “best odds diet.” I started reading that section once and closed the book almost immediately drowning in guilt because there is no way. Some of the advice from that book (I shit you not): Grow your own organic garden. What a great idea! I think I’m going to just run out and do that because I have nothing else to do! I bet the toddler will be an excellent help mate with a garden! And an example of a toddler mid-morning snack: 1/2 slice of whole-grain bread spread with cottage cheese. Laughing my ass off over that. “WAAAHHHH what are these dark spots in the bread?! EWWWWW get it out get it out get it out!” And cottage cheese? Please. Not this princess.
Here’s my parenting style when it comes to food:
If she’ll eat it, it’s what’s for dinner.
This includes anything from grapes to yogurt (all time fave) to chips on the floor, to cereal under the couch cushions to fruit snacks to rice to cat treats to what the hell ever. Anyone who has ever watched us feed the horses together will immediately point out “Oh my God she’s eating HORSE GRAIN! Is that ok?!” Well I don’t know, but she’s made it this far. I look at it this way – horse grain makes her thirsty. She’s learned how to drink out of the hose because of this. And she stays hydrated. Sort of like electrolytes. And the cat treats you ask? Well we’ve at least progressed to feeding most of them to the actual cat.
Seriously, meal planning for toddlers is the most asinine thing you could ever do. One day they think strawberries are manna from Heaven and the next day they’re like “whatcha talkin’ about Willis?” And why will the kid turn her nose up at mashed potatoes but I’ll find her sitting on the floor quietly ingesting a wax birthday candle?!
I remember wondering if I should get a chocolate cake for Baby Girl’s first birthday because, according to the “What to Expect” books, young children should never eat chocolate. But then a friend told me that she’d had her child eating brownies since before she was one. What? You mean I don’t have to follow what is in this stupid book? Revelation!
It’s quite simply beyond my understanding – how some people get their toddlers to eat really healthy things, like raw red pepper or zuchinni strips by choice. One thing is true, though, if a mom is actually successful at getting her toddler to eat healthy, she will endlessly brag and act all smug and in your face about it. And honestly, who can blame her? I have a feeling it all starts with enjoying that type of food yourself and never offering your toddler anything but that weird, organic fare. So they have no idea that sugar is the best tasting thing in the universe. Baby Girl learned early on that chocolate is mommy’s favorite food. She knows what a donut box contains. On our way to her school we pass by Chicken Express as she yells “tea! tea!” Makes me laugh every time.
I have to brag a little though. Baby Girl now eats only GREEK yogurt. Yep, score one for me. She eats a lot of yogurt, so this was a big accomplishment. But I’m not about to sneak veggies into mac and cheese that she may not eat anyway. Or whip up a veggie smoothie that’s going to get poured on the cat’s head. I don’t have time for that shit. I’m too busy digging around in my organic garden that I planted yesterday.
