It’s an absolutely beautiful Fourth of July – 86 degrees and sunny. A bit of a breeze. In years past I’ve spent the day at Willie Nelson’s Fourth of July picnic, in Luckenbach, Texas, on Lake Ray Roberts, at the seawall in Galveston, at Lone Star Park, and with family and friends all over Texas, and once in Idaho.
Today I am in my office, while Baby Girl is watching Tangled for the one thousand seven hundred and seventy sixth time. My husband (lucky dog) is out on the property – mowing, adjusting, fixing, and contemplating future projects. He didn’t even have his phone on him. (Which I rectified of course.)
I would love to switch places with him today. Plain and simple, I miss my previous way of life. I miss spending the entire day on the property, surrounded by nature – surrounded by horses. I miss that a horse was the only thing I would communicate with the entire day – besides possibly the lady at the McDonald’s drive through when I took a break for some sweet tea. I miss that having a sweet tea every day did not make a difference to my waistline because I was so active… and younger.
I miss the ability to wake up at my own time, in my own way (hellloooo 5 am and my bright eyed toddler). I miss getting the day started at my own pace. I miss the early morning silence – three year olds do not care what time it is when they feel like shrieking. I miss the complete autonomy to do what I please, when I please. I miss being able to sit on the porch swing in the summer evening drinking a glass or two of wine and listening to music while watching the day turn to dusk.
I miss getting completely absorbed in my work, spending hours working on something and not even realizing what time it is. Not having to stop to answer questions, change bobo’s, put someone down for a nap or get them a drink.
I miss not having fourteen arguments a day about whether to use the blue spoon or the yellow fork, the pink bowl or the orange one, whether or not it’s bath time, or time to go inside, or time to go outside or time to drink. (Just kidding).
I miss all that – I admit it – and I would give anything to have a few of those days back again. Not every day… just once in a while. A day like today, when the sun is out and the breeze is cool and the horses are just begging for attention. When the lawn needs mowing and the barn needs sweeping and the afternoon is long and the evening is sweet.
The flag waving out in my front yard is my constant reminder that, while I may not to get spend many days exactly how I used to, I am still free and living in a great country and I get to celebrate my independence however I choose. Today I choose to be grateful and yet nostalgic for days gone by. I choose to be happy that I still DO get to be free — and that Baby Girl does too.
Happy Fourth of July everyone! I’ll have a drink for you tonight, America.
