Create the Change

I’m jumping on the bandwagon. Going to buy myself a 35 oz Yeti stainless steel cup with a handle. Just spent an HOUR perusing Amazon for my cup of choice. Pink. Pink with glitter. Navy blue. With straw, without straw (straw is a must). Dishwasher safe? Reviews? Cost? What a way to waste some time! Thoroughly enjoyable nonetheless. Not 40 oz… that’s too big. Not 20 oz. That’s too small and mostly don’t have handles. The handle is what got me… how convenient! I definitely need one of those. Because there aren’t fifteen other stainless steel cups in my cupboard that I could use. All without handles. Therefore deemed completely useless.

Those of you that know me well might be thinking… she only drinks Sonic drinks anyway… what does she need a cup with a handle for? Well, friends, I’ll tell you. Because I think about it every day. I feel tremendous guilt over it. Friends and family roll their eyes at me and I was once told (in front of my three year old) that all I drink is poison. I am addicted to Diet Coke. There. I said it. I have said many times in the past that the only good thing about winter is that your Diet Cokes stay cold. I have told friends there’s no way I’m giving them up. That’s one thing I can’t do.

And I’m not. I’m drinking a Diet Coke from Sonic as I type this. (Obviously as my Yeti cup isn’t even ordered yet). I am going to CUT DOWN though. Hopefully by a lot. I’m going to fill this cup up every morning and drink it all before lunch. I’m going to use it while I teach lessons. With water in it. (That definitely has to be clarified as White Claw looks a lot like water and Baby Girl knows to ask me what’s in my cup before she takes it.) I drink Diet Coke for breakfast. I drink it all day long. Probably not a healthy thing to do. I realize this, have always realized it and didn’t ever need anyone to point this out to me. It’s like smoking. Of COURSE you know. But you do it anyway.

I have tried so many things, so many ways to be healthier. Joined OptaVIA in October 2021. That didn’t last long – I did lose some weight and that was good. But not sustainable for me. I gained all my weight due to stress from handling things with my parents for five years. Comfort food. Food on the go. Chocolate. Wine. Trying to cook what my Dad liked to eat, or just buying him (and myself) fast food. The man weighed twelve pounds so he wasn’t concerned. I didn’t realize how much weight I had gained until I saw pictures of myself from my Dad’s memorial. Oh God. Wow. That’s when I signed up for OptaVIA. Met a lovely lady, Julie Armstrong, through it, who is a very inspiring person. But it just wasn’t for me.

I tried the weight loss shot for over a year. That did not work at all. I think I lost five pounds, which I immediately gained back when I stopped the shot. That shit’s way too expensive to keep using when it isn’t really working. Before my Dad’s death I had been involved in CrossFit. I never lost any weight while doing that either. Last summer I joined again but quickly figured out that, while MANY older ladies do participate in that successfully, I wasn’t going to be one of them. After having foot surgery in November of 2021 I wasn’t willing to jump rope again. Or box jump. Or do any weight training involving my neck. And burpees are just out of the question anyway. The parts of my neck and back that aren’t fused are shot with nerve pain and spasms.

I tried getting back into riding. Again, the pain. I took a couple of yoga classes – what a joke! For me. My body doesn’t bend that way and my brain doesn’t slow down or relax enough to enjoy the experience. I don’t even like to sit still long enough to get my hair done. Or my nails. Pure torture. And the supplements. Oh Lord the amount of medications and supplements… anti-depressants, thyroid something, acid reflux stopper, muscle relaxer, iron, vitamin D, vitamin B, fish oil, probiotics, I could go on and on. Which leads me to …

Nucific. Bio X4 or something like that. A host of supplements all wrapped into one in order to fix your gut health and a myriad of other things. You take one three times a day, before you eat. I’ve been doing it a week. Any changes? Not yet. But I’m still optimistic. Today I read the recipe book they sent along with the pills. You have got to be kidding me. If I LIKED eating any of that, if I “drank water,” “exercised daily,” “cut out sugar,” “ate 50% of my meal as veggies,” etc, I wouldn’t be in the mess I’m in! Here are some of the ingredients they want me to A) have on hand and B) have time to put together into something edible: black beans, avocado, spinach, flaxseed, turkey sausage, paprika, cumin, olive oil, raisins, ginger, horseradish flakes, zucchini, nutmeg, parsnips, bell peppers, kale, pumpkin seeds. And more. I am not a chef. None of this save the avocado and olive oil live in my house.

I did say I’m optimistic. That’s because I do feel like gut health is important, and I’m really hoping that I can at least get this under control with the amount or probiotics and other stuff that lives in these supplements. I’m hoping to gain more energy. Lift the fog of depression somewhat. Sleep less, be more productive. And all this got me to thinking…. sugar. sugar. sugar. sugar. I KNOW it causes weight gain, sluggish thinking, bad gut bacteria etc. What I’m finally ready to admit to, and hopefully change, is the amount of artificial sweeteners I inhale every day.

When I was in college I gained weight. I forced myself to start drinking Diet Coke instead of regular Coke. Now I can’t stand regular Coke and won’t touch it. I did lose some weight. I am not a fan of water, and please don’t tell me to drink flavored water because unless it’s sparkly and flavored with alcohol I’m not into it. I’m going to have to force myself to do this, too. I’m not into starving myself or cooking. I’m not into exercising until I fall down dead. I hate cardio (Mom smoking while pregnant with me probably has something to do with my lung capacity being close to zero.)

So what is in my capacity to change? What can I do to create change? How will I change it? Will buying the fancy cup spark my inner will to wake up and come alive? Probably not. But it won’t hurt, and it will remind me of what I am trying to achieve. Start tomorrow? Start when my cup comes in? No. I’m actually going to start today. I’m about to go teach a lesson… I’m going to take a large cup of water with me. It won’t have a handle but that’ll just be something to look forward to. Wish me luck, my friends. I’m going to need it.