Do you ever think about Heaven? What it is really like? I think most of us do, from time to time. The concept of Heaven has been on my mind most days lately, as I struggle to make sense of where my Dad is, where my Mom will be. What does Heaven look like in your mind’s eye? I’m curious. Do we all have the same thoughts of beautiful clouds, angels with wings, golden roads and supreme peace? But here are some more thoughts…
When Dad died I expected to feel something. Something serene and holy. I did not. I saw no light surround him, saw absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. I’m not even sure we were truly there when he passed. I think he might have already gone while we were all looking the other direction. It was only when the nurse said something that we gathered around and held his hand and talked to him. But I honestly think he was already gone.
Did he look back? Did he see us with his body? Did he have any regrets? Any time for regret? Did he see a light? Was there an angel there? Did he meet God right away? Or Jesus? When he’s in Heaven does he still have a body? What does he look like? Young? Or is it just a presence that changes depending on what other souls he encounters? Maybe with his parents he’s a child again. Maybe with his friends that have passed he’s in his 20’s. Maybe he has met the child I miscarried. Maybe he held that baby in his arms as the old man he was. When Mom joins him, will they be young together again?
After he died a friend of mine sent me a book entitled “Many Lives, Many Masters” by Brian Weiss. She hoped that it would bring me some peace. In this book the author insists that, through hypnotherapy, he brought a woman back into other lives she had had throughout history. Reincarnation. Many, many times. The woman found peace through hypnotherapy and by visiting these other lives she was able to ease all her anxieties. Each time she was “between lives” she was just basically floating in peace. Not in a Heaven as we know it. But just floating. The “Masters” came to talk through her, and explained to Dr. Weiss that there are many things we must learn on earth and until we do, we will not be in the presence of God. We will just keep repeating lives on earth until we learn all our lessons.
This book brought me MANY more questions than answers. My friend meant well but honestly the book unnerved me. I had never thought about reincarnation before. Never considered it as a possibility. However, now that I have read about it, I MUST consider it. Just recently I read a story about a little boy that ran into a man’s arms in a restaurant and the man held him and rocked him until the little boy fell asleep. A complete stranger. But the little boy seemed to “know” him. When my Mom met Tina, there was a definite kinetic energy there. It was almost as if Tina was my Mom’s mom in another life. Like she recognized her and had been waiting for her all her life. I’ve never seen her respond to anyone like that before. And maybe it’s just the Alzheimer’s, but whatever it is I’ll take it. It almost hurt my heart the love was so strong.
There are many, many stories like this. If you read and look closely you’ll find them. What does it mean? Is reincarnation real? Do you really just float in space between lives? Part of me does not want that to be true at all. I want to think of my Dad in an actual Heaven, rejoicing at the feet of God. I want him there waiting for me, and for my Mom. I want to know he is at peace. I don’t want him, or my mom, to suffer through any more lives. Because life IS suffering, even if you have a fabulous life, it is never going to be like living in the Glory of God.
The other day I was out mowing the big paddocks and I thought to myself, can me Dad smell freshly cut grass in Heaven? A completely random thought, but not unusual for me these days. So, can you? Can you smell and think and feel? I don’t mean feel emotionally, but feel tactically. Maybe not on that one. Eternity and Heaven are very difficult concepts to grasp. I don’t think any of us are actually capable of it. Even with these stories you read, like “Heaven is For Real” and all these other tales of people coming back from Heaven to tell us about it … I’m skeptical. Not of Heaven existing, but in what form? Maybe it is different for each of us. But the most important thing there is, is to be reunited with the souls you connect with. And if that doesn’t happen… because you have been reincarnated …. well when will I get to see my Dad again? What if he’s not there waiting for my Mom? What if he’s already “gone on” to another life?
I did not want to think about all these things. I love my friend, but sometimes, you just want to think about things the way you think about them and leave it all well enough alone. The book was enlightening. And frightening. However, I still can see my Mom’s face when she sees Tina’s face and I wonder ….