Month: May 2019

My not-so-baby anymore Baby Girl is going to be five on Saturday. Five! Blows my mind that we’ve both survived this long. Just this morning (and afternoon and probably yet this evening) I wanted to A) wring my hands in despair, B) throw her out the window, C) cry in defeat D) scream right back at her tiny little face with the BIG MOUTH.

Five? Or fifteen? It’s hard to tell. I cringe to think what 10 will bring. And maybe by 15 she will NOT slam her door and/or scream at me that she IS doing whatever it was I told her to do. But if so, it’s only because by then Daddy will have removed her bedroom door permanently or sent her to a nunnery.

We went on a road trip today. To Tyler to see a pony for a client. I warned Baby Girl it would be a long drive. I gave her anti-nausea medicine. I supplied her with her own water bottle. I forgot snacks. I forgot/ignored any type of electronic entertainment. She had a stuffed puppy and two play horses to entertain herself with. Oh, and her 7 year old friend (my client’s daughter who is searching for pony). So was it too much to ask for an enjoyable, quiet, happy car ride?

You betcha.

When we picked up my client I asked Baby Girl if she needed to potty. She was insistent that no, she did not. So onwards we go, twenty minutes in we realize that client has forgotten child’s helmet. As we are turning around Baby Girl says….. I have to potty. Bad! Now! Nowwwwwwww!!!!!! I CAN’T WAIT MOMMY!” Insert major eye roll here. All the way back to client’s house she is whining that she “cannnnnn’ttttt wait Mommmmmmyyyyy!” With major drama and whining every single inch of the way. I finally pull in at a 7-Eleven and as we (now joyfully) enter the convenience store the inevitable “can I have a snack?” comes out of her happy little mouth. Nope I say. We are pottying and that’s it.

Back on the road after retrieving helment Baby Girl asks me for my phone, to play games on. She really means she wants to watch YouTube Kids. Other kids playing with toys. And some adults which I just think is weird. I say No and thus begins the every five second whine of “pleeeaaaasssee mommy? pleeeeaaaassssseee?” No I continue to say. If I ignore her she just increases her volume and intensity. By this time I am just super irritated and I would say no if she wanted a carrot or to read the dictionary out loud. But I have to stand my ground right? Isn’t that what I am supposed to do? She keeps asking and I keep saying no (or attempting to ignore her). Tears ensue. She’ll give in for a little while and then start up again. “Mommy?” she says sweetly after five minutes of silence. What Baby Girl? “Can I play games on your phone? Plllleeeeaaaassssseeee?” I want to scream or wring her neck. Or both. Why doesn’t McDonalds serve vodka at 10 am? THIS IS WHY. I am telling you, THIS IS WHY.

The whining and asking and crying and pleading continues in intermittent spurts all the way to Tyler. While we are looking at the pony I finally give in just to get her to SHUT UP. How many of you have ever done this? After four hours of saying no? I guess it depends on how persistent your kid is, how strong you are as a parent. I get weak, I admit. I get tired. I get pissed off and just SO DONE. And I need to concentrate on the pony and the kid that is trying it out. So I give in. I tell her she can play on the phone until we stop for lunch.

As we are leaving McDonalds, full and happy but sans any alcoholic beverages (yes I know I’m driving, and No, I would not really drink while driving or with my kid in tow – just go with the humor ok?) Baby Girl IMMEDIATELY starts asking for me to put the window down and when I say no she starts in on getting my phone again or having some music on. We haven’t even left the parking lot yet. I say no absolutely to getting my phone and no to the music for the moment and here it comes…. full on meltdown. Oh shit I think. What am I supposed to do now? I’ve got my client and her kid in here and my own kid is behaving like a freaking demon child. I tell her I’m going to pull back over and get her out of the car and give her a spanking if she doesn’t stop. NO! She screams at me. NO you’re NOT going to do that! Shit. Seriously?

What would you do? I pulled back into the parking lot. I get out while she is screaming at the top of her lungs. I go around to her side and she is screaming at me that I am NOT going to get her out of the seat and I am NOT going to give her a spanking. I’m telling you this kid does not know when to back down. Or is it just that she can’t? Her sense of fighting back is extremely strong. Her sense of survival seems to be questionable. I do manage to extract her from the car seat and get her out onto the pavement outside the car. Now what? I can’t/won’t beat her. I hate situations like this. I try holding her arms and talking sternly and she wrenches free and screams at me to let go – that I’m hurting her. Great, now someone is going to call the cops thinking that I’m abusing/kidnapping this kid. I ask her if she’s done. I tell her she doesn’t want to embarass herself in front of her friend does she? She simply can’t stop with the tears and the anger. So after five minutes or so I put her back in the car and I turn on the music and we finally go on. She’s quiet. I talk to my client, who thankfully completely understands.

At what point do you draw a hard line with this type of personality? Is it even possible? She is an emotional, spirited, sensitive and over the top type of kid. I never know what to do with her. As my client and I discussed, we are always just winging it. She says there are a few people out there who were just born to be moms and probably know exactly how to handle this situation/this type of child but they are very few and far between. I agree wholeheartedly. I appreciate 100% the support she gave me today, in an extremely difficult and embarrassing situation.

MOMS. Be there for each other. When a mom has to draw a hard line hold your hand up under that line with support. I’m telling you it means EVERYTHING to the mom that is just thisclose to giving up, giving in, hanging her head and just losing it. If McDonalds doesn’t serve alcohol on a road trip (and Thank God they don’t) then we need some other type of soother – another mom’s nonjudgemental and absolute support makes all the difference in the world.

 

 

 

Oftentimes I find myself thinking of all the things I’d like to write about. But they go out of my head sooner than I get to sit down and write – which frustrates me. I’ve been frustrated a LOT lately. The weather, the finances, the back pain, the foot pain, the headaches, the whining, the puppy leaping and biting, etc etc the list goes on and on as I’m sure it does for everyone.

This morning as I was trudging through our back forty lake to put some hay into a drenched and muddy lean-to for two ponies I asked God why he ignored my prayers last night for no more rain. I was annoyed.

And though it sounds trite and sanctimonious I took note of my surroundings and the frown on my face and decided to turn it upside down.

I am grateful, I thought. I AM GRATEFUL. That the land and thus the rain goes downhill. I am grateful for the one muddy lean-to we have managed to build in the last four years. I am grateful for my raincoat even though I can feel the rain coming through the back and getting my shirt wet. What the heck? It’s a raincoat! It’s old but seriously, WHY is the damn thing leaking?!

Wait. Oh yeah. I’m grateful. Um. For my barn which has lights and nice big stalls and 5 of 7 horses are comfy and dry. I’m grateful for my new, non puppy chewed, rain boots and the fact that I can wear pajamas outside to feed, and that I can take off my soaking wet and muddy pajama pants on my front door step and nobody will see. I’m grateful that I wouldn’t care if they DID see. I am grateful for my new blue washing machine that I was forced to buy after the old one tried to catch fire multiple times. I am grateful the dryer still works and that I have a mismatched set because honestly who needs matchy-matchy anyway?

I am grateful that Baby Girl finally went back to sleep this morning after trying to get me to get up 1500 times from 5:30 am until 6. I am grateful that I did actually go back to sleep and that I did not have to go to a horseshow in the rain at 5 am. I am grateful that I do actually still get to go. Later. Because who doesn’t love a horseshow in the mud? Builds character.

I am grateful that the oversized puppy chewing on my foot no longer seems to have leathal pointy baby teeth. I am grateful for big sisters who will take little sisters to birthday parties when Mom has to be at a horseshow, knowing that the big sister has plenty of other things she could be doing. I am grateful for tolerant, supportive and loyal clients who deal daily with the fact that I don’t have a covered arena and still seem to like me even though I’m cranky a lot.

I’m grateful that the rain means plenty of grass since we are running out of hay and at this point the hay people won’t get into their fields to cut until the middle of August. I’m grateful for Grandpas that love their little fu-fu’s to the point of agreeing to help finance a bounce house for her 5th birthday party in June. Grandpa who goes to Walmart when you’re sick to get your antibiotics and crackers you requested and instead of one Diet Coke buys a whole six-pack. Where we would be without Grandpa?

I am grateful for the peace and quiet I get at night to sit and read and relax after the sometimes 2 hour long battle it takes to get Baby Girl to go the EF to sleep. I am grateful she sleeps through the night 90% of the time now on the crib mattress I borrowed from my cousin five years ago and still have which is on the floor in my bedroom even though I returned the actual crib three years ago. I am grateful she does not sleep in my own bed although I will be even more grateful the day she decides to stay in her OWN bed the entire night. She’ll probably be 12 but I’ll still be grateful.

But most of all I am grateful for the time to sit down and write this blog.