Every night about 9:30 pm I think “if I go to sleep now maybe I will get some decent rest tonight.” Every night I am dead wrong. Here’s how it goes:
6:30 pm – Bath time. Met with glee – leaves a trail of clothes and toys as she rushes to jump in. 15 minutes of bliss for me as I pick up the house (sort of), pour a glass of wine (almost always) and get her room ready for bed which includes finding her snuggies (2), paccy (1 – yes I know, don’t get me started), blankie, light off but nightlight on, pj’s out and ready, and my cell phone for listening to “Alan and Jackson” so she can go to sleep.
6:45 pm – MOMMEEEEE come play with me!!! Ugh. Why does she always want me to come play in the bath with her? Once I go in there I always make her let the water out and we play until the bath tub is empty. OK Baby Girl time to get out. “I’m a puppy! Ruff ruff ruff!” She wags her butt at me and is on all fours in the tub. Seriously kid please stand up and get out. *Spins in a circle, slips and bangs her chin.* “WAAAAHHHHHH!” Serious tears for something she could have prevented. By getting out. When I asked her to.
6:55 pm – Extracted from the tub and wrapped in a towel – “mommy carry me!” No baby, it hurts my back. “PLEEEEAAAASE.” Sigh. At this point I either give in or really make her cry by saying no.
7:00 pm – In her room panic ensues. “Where’s paccy?! WAAAHHH!” It’s on the bed like always Baby Girl. Lets get your pj’s on so we can get your teeth brushed. She proceeds to stick one leg out while hopping up and down on the other leg or getting on all fours to be a puppy or trying to stick her arms in the pants or her legs in the shirt. All highly entertaining of course. PJ mission finally accomplished I tell her to go back into the bathroom to brush her teeth. “I don’t want to brush my teeth!!!! NOOOOOOO! Tomorrow! We can do it tomorrow!” I get her, kicking and screaming, into the bathroom, still crying, still refusing, paccy firmly stuck in between her lips like a damn cigarette. I pry her mouth open and she finally gives in graciously. HA HA HA. I think I’m on my third glass of wine.
7:10 pm – finally in her bed, she starts whining that she wants to sleep in Daddy’s spot since Daddy is at work. Or she wants to sleep on the floor in my room. Or she needs water. Or she can’t sleep. Criminy kid you are so tired that if you would just QUIT MOVING you would fall asleep in a minute! And I’m right. Alan Jackson playing on my phone and she passes out.
7:25 pm – THANK THE LORD. Even though I’ve told myself that I am going to do this, that and the other once she’s asleep, I acknowledge that none of that is happening and I run a bath for myself. I crawl into my bed and read my book and absorb the silence.
Somewhere between 8:30 and 10:30 – I’m either still reading and relaxing (closer to 8:30) or I’ve JUST fallen asleep (closer to 10:30) – Baby Girl can be heard whining and fussing in her room. It’s just a matter of seconds before she arrives, sobbing, in my room. “Why did you let me go to sleep?! I told you I didn’t want to go to sleep! And I need to go potty! I need your help to go potty!” Sobbing and being mad at me the whole time, I help her go to the potty then lay down on the floor next to my bed. I cover her with a blanket. She passes out again. I give up if I was reading and I turn the light off. If I was already asleep I lay in the dark for about three hours before falling asleep again.
1:30 am. Ish. I am awakened by whimpering. Baby Girl cries out in her sleep. Bad dream maybe. Continues to whimper. I ignore her for awhile and then realize the whimpering won’t stop on it’s own. She’s cold. She’s done this since she was tiny. She’s definitely not awake but I AM AWAKE. So I lean over and cover her with the blanket. The whimpering immediately stops.
Somewhere around 3:30 am I am dreaming. Hard. My arm is totally asleep and numb. I hear something…. mommy. mommy. mommy. SHIT. WHAT?! “I had an accident.”
“WHAT?! What do you mean?! You went potty!” She is crying, loudly, even though she knows I’m not really mad. Daddy’s home and asleep but this doesn’t deter her from crying loudly because she’s wet. She won’t go in her bedroom to change because it’s dark in there and she’s scared. Fine. I get up. We get her changed (she is crying the entire time), and I towel up the mess on the floor then get her settled again. She goes back to sleep pretty easily. Sometimes I do as well, but more often than not the pain has set in making finding a comfortable position impossible.
5:30 – 6:00 am – I have dozed off. So tired. Cozy and warm. And then I hear it…. mommy. mommy. mommy I want to wake up. BABY GIRL GO BACK TO SLEEP. “Noooooo!!!! I want to get up!”
I give up. This is why I drink Dr. Pepper first thing in the morning. She is awake, therefore I am also awake. Last night I told myself I’d do this, that and the other early in the morning since I knew I’d be up early. Instead I find myself dozing on the couch until she comes up and sticks her face in mine and says “MOMMY!”
Mommy. The most overused word in toddler and little kid communications. I am so over it. I think I will tell her to start calling me DRAGON LADY. Has a nice ring, don’t ya think?