This beautiful, tiny, sassy, wonderfully bright child of mine has the most amazing gift. She does not believe in the word No. She understands what it means, but her brain automatically shifts into “negotiation mode” when she hears it.
Baby Girl, what would you like for breakfast? I should learn not to ask her this type of open ended question but somehow first thing in the morning I am not thinking clearly, based on four or five hours of continually interrupted sleep. So I ask. And she says “chips!” And I say No. And so it begins. “You can have chips for lunch Baby.” “How about NOW?” she asks. “No Baby, chips are for lunch not breakfast.” “But I like chips. How about chips now?” “No.” “How about cookies?” “No.” “But I like cookies! How about chips?”
Once we’ve gotten through the ultra annoying litany of how much she likes chips and cookies things usually deteriorate into tears and tantrums. And then we’ll hit on a compromise. Like a tortilla with butter. I would offer her oatmeal, but she just eats the brown sugar off the top. Toast you say? Well if I cut the crusts off she might take two bites before she just licks the butter off the rest of it. Cereal? How about only eating the marshmallows in the Lucky Charms? Nix the Lucky Charms. Only buying Mini-wheats now. She’ll only eat the PINK mini-wheats. Not regular, chocolate or blueberry. How about waffles drowning in syrup? This is acceptable. But DO NOT miss a waffle piece when you are putting the butter on Mommy! She will point out “here and here, and here” directing my butter efforts.
During the day she will negotiate ANY TIME she hears the word “no” or “stop”. “Just one more!” She says with her finger up (in case I don’t know what one is) and an adorable pleading expression on her face. She’s jumping on my leg while I’m sitting on the floor. “Baby stop, you’re hurting me.” “But I will jump softer Mommy.” Discussing when we are going to visit Granny and PaPa – “on Christmas Day we will go see them.” “But how about now?” she implores.
We’re only reading ONE book tonight Lovie. “But how about TWO books Mommy? Just two! TWO Books.” And IF I give in, she quickly introduces book #3. And I roll my eyes. It’s time for a nap Lovie. Then we’ll watch Mouse and then we’ll go to the store. “How about we go to the store FIRST and then watch Mouse?” Conveniently forgetting about the nap. I’m going to make dinner and then I will play with you. “How about you play with me FIRST Mommy?! Just a few minutes! Please!”
You cannot ask the child an open ended question. Are you ready to go to school Baby Girl? “No. Not yet. I’m still playing.” Closed choice questions are my best friend. “Baby Girl do you want to wear the blue shirt or the pink shirt?” instead of asking if she’s ready to get dressed. This usually works out for me, but even so she will somehow sneak some negotiation in there anyway. “How about the skirt Mommy? I want to be a princess.” NO baby, it’s FREEZING outside. No skirts! “But Mommy please! I want to be a princess! I need to be a princess!” That’s not really negotiation but you can see that I (the Mommy) NEVER get a “Sure Mommy, that’d be great.” Never. Ever. Ever.
So my Christmas Eve wish is that the smallest Negotiator I know eases up on her Mama a little bit and says “Yes, thank you” to a single solitary question or statement that I make tomorrow.
Just one.
Please Baby Jesus.
Happy Birthday by the way.
