Month: June 2017

Every night as I put Baby Girl to bed – in her own room! – I sit and stare at the Dr. Suess print on the wall across from me. It’s hanging ever so slightly crooked. Every night I tell myself I should fix it – that I will fix it because it is annoying to me. Every single night I put her in bed and sneak out. And I forget. And the print is still hanging crooked.

For two weeks I reminded myself to remove the two tupperware containers full of over-ripe cut up watermelon from the refrigerator and clean them out. Every day I would forget to do it. One day as I was speed washing dishes I actually remembered. And because my stepdaughter was here I was able to say “BRING ME THE WATERMELON CONTAINERS!” Of course she showed it to me before she threw the fruit out in the yard. It had grown little frozen spikes and looked like something out of a horror movie.

The other day I actually had to dump out an almost entire bottle of wine. GASP! I had forgotten that it was in the other fridge for about a month (after having been opened of course) and boy, that sure didn’t taste right. Of course I tasted it! Wouldn’t you?! Who voluntarily throws out a whole bottle of wine that could possibly be consumed?! Not me.

Speaking of wine, I have a gift of a bottle of (thankfully and currently unopened) wine for my assistant trainer for something she did for me …. hmmm… maybe in May? Been so long I’ve forgotten that part too. Anyway, it’s also been in my fridge for however long that is, even though I keep telling her I’ll put it in the barn for her. It’s probably going to end up being my emergency go-to one of these days. Sorry kid. Maybe next time.

Last night I was giving a lesson and the mom said to me – can we come on Wednesday for an extra lesson – what do you have booked on Wednesday already? I looked at her blankly. Wednesday? Isn’t that like in two days? Lord, I don’t know. It’s a damn good thing I do a monthly calendar because otherwise I would not remember any of these lessons. As it was, I was already teaching Monday evening because I had forgotten that the lesson was supposed to be Monday morning. Totally my bad. Sorry about that.

I swear I’m not a terrible house keeper or a completely unorganized instructor. In fact, quite the opposite. I’m extremely reliable and pretty OCD about my house. Sometimes I just have to close my eyes to the ridiculous mess of Hurricane Toddler and Unconcerned Teenager. Seriously they are almost worse as teenagers as far as mess-making goes. The other day Unconcerned Teenager actually said to me “this house is a mess.” And I, after inwardly seething with resentment, returned with “this house is always a mess.” NOT TO MENTION it doesn’t matter how much you clean it – it will STILL BE A WRECK until people literally no longer live in it. I also wanted to say “CLEAN IT THEN” to Unconcerned Teenager. But I refrained. Barely. I just poured myself another glass and kept my mouth shut.

And, as far as lessons go – I used to be able to tell you a month out who was doing what, and when. These days? Not so much. The monthly calendar is my go-to, every morning. Now what the hell am I supposed to do today? I ask as I pour the first glass. Of Diet Coke! Don’t judge.

Turning 42 today. Feeling every damn bit of it. Forgotten what was the point of this blog post…

Baby Girl is asleep in her bed. In her room. This is no small feat. Currently, Sissy is in there with her, to encourage her to stay in her room. Last night was the first time I insisted she sleep in her own room. An hour of screaming, kicking, crying, tears, throwing things and finally succumbing to letting me rock her and she was asleep in her own bed for the first time in months. She stayed there until 4:20 a.m. at which point she came back in my room.

Tonight? A little bit of fuss but no screaming. 15 minutes instead of 60. HUGE progress. I am sure at some point she will be back in my bedroom but I am encouraged nonetheless. It has been a very long time since I’ve been able to sleep in my room without Baby Girl in it. Some parents may think that I shouldn’t mind if she’s in there, these same parents don’t mind if their child sleeps in their bed with them. These parents are probably a lot more relaxed and outgoing than I am. Frankly, I need my space. If I’m going to be a good parent, the best Mom I can be, then I NEED my child to sleep in her own room. Since my Baby Girl has been, essentially, pretty sick for a long time, she has been on my heels day and night. She has learned a lot of bad habits during this time, and it’s time to get things back under control. The very first step is night time separation.

In the aftermath of her surgery, everyone asks if she is sleeping better. And the honest truth, is No. She is not snoring, that is true. I am pretty sure she is breathing a hell of a lot better. But she still wakes up and wants me to “cover her” and looks for her paccy, and her snuggie, and generally wakes me up about 3 or 4 times per night. After two weeks of recovery, and realizing this, I am aware that the sleeping in my room thing is a bigger deal than I thought. Since I am now assured that the kid can actually breathe and won’t strangle on her own spit in the night, I am cutting the rest of the cord as well. Baby Girl, you’re going to have to suck it up and find your own paccy, your own snuggie, and cover your own self up. Mommy is done and Mommy is tired, and Mommy is finally saying enough.

I have ordered her a “big girl bed.” It’s adorable of course, with shelving on the head board and storage underneath. I know my cousin will be thrilled to have her crib back. Just as thrilled as my Dad will be to store it until he can deliver it to her. I look at it though, as “wow, another milestone. Another thing we are through with – the baby crib.” And it’s kind of sad. It follows the bottles and the sippy cups and the diapers (which we haven’t quite finished with and which I actually won’t miss). She already is a little girl and not a baby. It’s astonishing to think she is now 3 years old. She loves Rapunzel even though I swore I wouldn’t encourage the Disney Princess thing. She can put her own shoes on (she will even ask me which shoe goes on which foot). She can wash her own hands and brush her own teeth. She can find the Pringles no matter where I hide them. She’s amazing. She is capable of so much, I know she is capable of sleeping on her own.

After sleeping in her own room last night for the majority of it, she was much better behaved today. Only one major tantrum as opposed to three or four. She was able to choose which toy she wanted at the store and put the others back. She was able to consider what I said when I threatened her with taking away her newly bought zebra if she didn’t shape up in the car.

The power struggle with a three year old is very real. The tantrums are worse as well. Baby Girl will say she wants something – no the PINK one Mommy – and then immediately pretend she has no idea what you are talking about, she actually wants the BLUE one now. She will say she’s hungry and then you set dinner before her and she freaks out and starts having a tantrum in the middle of the living room and refuses to eat. You don’t even know why. She probably doesn’t know why.

Somehow Sissy is able to get her looking adorable each morning. When Mommy tries to get her dressed, Baby Girl usually ends up in a skirt and her pajama top. Honestly Sissy is going to be a great Mom someday. She doesn’t take any shit. Of course, she also lets Baby Girl eat crap all day, in the living room, making a tremendous mess. Anyway, I digress. I know I need to take a stand, both Baby Girl and I need more structure. More rules and less struggle. I think that getting Baby Girl in her own room for sleeping is the key. More space for me, and better sleep, means that I will not be too damn tired to enforce the rules that Baby Girl so desperately needs.

The Aftermath of Surgery has been a hurricane. I’m ready for some mild weather.