Month: February 2017

Baby Girl comes from a long line of chocolate lovers/hoarders. My Granny hid Reese’s Peanut Butter cups for us to find long after she died. My mom is the ultimate M&M-aholic. And don’t even get me started on dark chocolate. I could probably survive on little else. (Well, and wine, of course). So when Baby Girl discovered “coc-wet” her whole little world became instantly brighter. And she likes ALL kinds of chocolate. Nothing goes wasted with her. Last night she wanted “coc-wet” and I said No.  She has never had a bigger fit or more tears over anything in her little life. Tried explaining it’s supposed to be a special treat. No, it was the end of the world. Which I can totally appreciate because really, life without chocolate just isn’t worth living. I swear my Granny somehow had Reese’s Peanut Butter cups stashed in her coffin.

She still didn’t get the coc-wet though.

The kid is “hungwy” all the damn day long. Every five minutes – MA! I TOO HUNGWY! I TOO HUNGWY! But she wants chips, or fruit snacks, or pink cereal. She does NOT want apples or carrots or anything that resembles anything healthy. Did you know those little fruit snack packs have 11 grams of sugar per pack?! Now imagine a two year old eating about four of those in a row. I learned very quickly to check the sugar content. I’m a sugarholic myself so all this sugar-content checking is new for me. Eating less sugar myself and attempting to have Baby Girl do the same has created not one, but TWO monsters in my house this week.

If I make oatmeal it has to have about 5 teaspoons of sugar on it. I would insert an eye-roll emoji here if I could. What’s the point of the oatmeal I ask myself, if all she wants to eat is the sugar part? Absolutely no point whatsoever. Might as well give her donuts. Did you know a can of coke (not that we drink Coke) has the same amount of sugar as a donut? It’s crazy what you find sugar in these days. Peanut butter has added sugar! Crackers! Cheesy rice! Bread! Soups! For crying out loud. CROUTONS! Why do croutons need sugar you ask? They don’t.

We’ve been eating a lot of pasta this week, and ceasar salad – which amazingly, she loves. Fruit, tortillas, bread and more fruit. And chips. Lord, the chips. She will go and get them out of the cupboard and bring them to me, hiding them behind her back. Ma? She squeaks out. Ma? She’s afraid I’ll say No and is preparing for the inevitable tantrum. She can’t open the container herself yet. The best part is when she asks for something, and I give it to her, only to find it hours later, uneaten, on the floor in the playroom. Usually swept off the table by her little hand in order to make room for a new puzzle.

I’ve never been good at eating actual meals. Breakfast? Sure – always something sweet. Then I just graze all day until dinner. Occasionally I’ll make myself some actual lunch but this is rare. And I didn’t used to make “dinner” much either. A bowl of mac n cheese sufficed fine. Now, in an effort to be a better role model, I’ve cut down on the sugar and am making dinner each evening. But will she eat it? Noooooo….. she’ll (usually) happily sit down in her chair and wait to see what I present her highness with. Then (almost always) she’ll frown and say “I can’t eat.” And put the plate off to the side. She’ll cross her arms and put her paccy in and say “Down!”. Then later of course she wants coc-wet. Are ya kidding me kid? Occasionally she will play with her food and eat a few bites before the frown and the “I can’t eat.” The only success we have is mac n cheese or ceasar salad.

She’s currently insisting on more chips. It’s 9:45 in the morning. It’s gonna be another long day. Good thing Daddy is about to take over.

Is 9:45 too early for wine? Which, in case you didn’t know, doesn’t have any added sugar. Just saying.

It’s hard to do much when you are sleep deprived. It’s also hard to do much when there is a constant high-pitched whine in your ear saying “Mama pway!” “Mama sit on couch!” “Mama I hungwy!” “Mama WATCH” and any number of other demands. Baby Girl has gotten awfully bossy lately. When I say “Mama has to work right now” or do laundry, or make dinner or go teach or anything other than meet her demands, Baby Girl responds with screams, tears, tantrum throwing, trying to push me out of my chair or into whichever area she wants me in, and the thing is she does not give up. Not easily, not quickly, and not for long. Leadership skills a parent says. Huh. Maybe when she’s 20 they’ll be leadership skills. Right now they’re just annoying skills.

And Mama does play. A lot. And I’m not even actually allowed to do anything. I’m only allowed to sit in her presence and do exactly what she tells me to. If I try to color she immediately has to color exactly where I was coloring. Or she takes my crayons away. If I try to play with the dolls in the house she grabs them out of my hand – NO! THAT’S not what I want them to be doing! If she wants to throw the ball around I am told precisely where to sit and where to throw. The only thing I am allowed to do is puzzles. And that’s only because she can’t yet do the bigger ones by herself. If I try to get up and leave after what seems like a reasonable time to me (5 minutes is good, right?), there’s immediate tears and yelling and tantrum throwing. Seems like a lot of effort to me but hey, I’m not two.

And I feel bad. Because she’s alone a lot. No other little kids to play with. That’s why she loves her school so much. When I pick her up I’ll ask her – did you have fun? YES! What did you do today? I DID SCHOOL!! That always makes me laugh. And she’s always asleep before we get home. Sometimes I’ll ask her about the other kids in her class. Do you like Kinley? “I wike Kinley” Do you like Noelle? (Sometimes this one is yes, and sometimes it’s no). Do you like Colt? “I wike Coat!” Imagine this in an adorably southern accent and you’ll think it’s the cutest thing ever too. I’ve asked the teacher how she interacts with the other kids and she’ll tell me that she likes to “claim” her toys, and sometimes she’ll let the other kids play with her and sometimes she won’t. “She never gets mad at Kinley when Kinley wants to play. But she gets mad at Noelle a lot – they butt heads.” Says a lot, really. Kinley must not question Baby Girl’s authority.

And Baby Girl doesn’t always whine and cry and boss me around. She does play by herself sometimes. But lately she’s been very tired. And when she’s tired, or not feeling well, only Mama’s full attention will do. And she’s tired because she does not sleep well. She doesn’t sleep well so I don’t sleep well either. So we’re both tired and cranky and it makes me have no energy for playing or anything else. I just concentrate on surviving.

Baby Girl goes to sleep in her bed at night, easily. Doesn’t take too long. But the problem is that she doesn’t stay asleep. And if she wakes up, she gets up. Immediately. And comes into my room. Now, I’ve asked for and received plenty of advice regarding this problem. Used to, I’d get upset and make her go back to her bed. And then I’d have to sit in the chair in her room until she fell asleep. Once I was able to sneak out it would typically be 30 to 60 minutes before she was up again. And we’d start over. Naturally this was taking a huge toll on my sanity. Eventually I’d give up and let her in my bed to sleep. However, the kid snores and moves around A LOT and nobody but her was getting any sleep this way. So, after considering a lot of advice from a lot of good people, I decided to try melatonin. Sure, it worked. She went to sleep almost immediately, just like she was supposed to. But then she was up again an hour later. Apparently melatonin only helps you fall asleep – not stay asleep. So back to square one. Next I tried a pallet on the floor beside my bed. She got the hang of that pretty quick and we reached a truce where she would get up and come in my room and lay down and go to sleep on the pallet. Didn’t even wake me up. This lasted for about 3 nights. It was nice while it lasted.

Lately she has come into my room earlier, and going to sleep on the pallet, but not staying there. (Whisper) “Mama. Ma? Mama? need water! Ma?” You don’t need water baby, go back to sleep. “WAAAA! need waaaatttteeeerrrrrr!” Then Daddy leans over the bed – Go Back To Sleep! She hits the floor. (Daddy means business). An hour or two later… during which time I haven’t slept at all because I’m listening to her snore and solving world problems in my head… “Ma? Mama? I scared.” You’re not scared baby, lay down. Huge sigh from Baby Girl. Yet again another hour or two later…. “Ma? Ma?” I sit up in bed. BABY GIRL DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO YOUR BED? “NOOOOOOO!!!!!” THEN LAY DOWN RIGHT NOW AND GO TO SLEEP! Whimper whimper. A couple times I have given up (again) and let her sleep in the bed with me.

A sleep chart and prizes had zero effect. Someone, and then a few someones, said I should get her a puppy to sleep with. A live one. Um. First of all – we are not dog people. We like dogs. But not in the house, and certainly not in the bed. Second of all – allergies? She already has trouble breathing when she’s in bed. And thirdly, and perhaps most important, there is no guarantee that the dog will sleep in the bed with her. I mean, I wouldn’t, if I were a dog. That’s a small bed.

So we’ll just have to be sleep deprived until we get this all figured out. Makes it easy for her to get what she wants, because I am all will-powered out. That was probably her plan all along…