Baby Girl is adorable. And she totally knows it. She can absolutely kill me with hilariousness when I’m supposed to be mad at her. She can make Dada, Sissy, Grandma, Grandpa just keel over with laughter. Her latest thing is saying “no no no no!” in a sing-song voice while shaking her finger at one of us, or else it’s a “uh uhhhh!” in the same sing-song. I can guess that she learned this fun little thing at school. The teachers must do that when one of the kids is doing something not so acceptable.
So of course when I try to reprimand her and she does this, I can’t help but laugh because it is just too funny. My brother and I grew up laughing and having a great time with my parents. We were an Army family so we moved around a lot and spent a lot of time together. Once my brother was in college and my Dad was in some country or another being a Commander of Troops or whatever, my Mom and I hung out together all the time. We spent a lot of time laughing. It was a great way to grow up. Even at family dinners when we were grown, but not yet married, we could rarely get through a dinner without someone in tears from laughing or snorting tea out their nose. Unlike a lot of teenage girls, my mom and I got along great. I did not do all the rebellious things a lot of girls do. Moms of girls who ride horses listen up! I was WAY TOO BUSY riding horses to do any of that adolescent crap. I considered it way beneath me even then. I pretty much thought most of my peers were seriously immature and dumb. I’m sure most of that came from all my time spent at the barn, learning how to be a responsible person.
Because I am an older first time mom, my own mom doesn’t remember much from when I was really small. This has its advantages because I just tell everyone I was a perfect angel child and my mom agrees. I’ll ask her if I was as difficult as Baby Girl is now and she’ll say NO! We all know that Baby Girl is a difficult kid. She’s independent, stubborn and persistent. On the other hand, all these things also describe myself so I think my mom A) either doesn’t remember or has blocked it out or B) was a lot more strict with me than I am with Baby Girl. I have such a hard time being strict! I want to give in and give her everything she wants. I don’t want to do this because it’s easier – I want to do this because she has my heart wrapped around her little finger and I can’t stand to see her upset. It’s a problem. The main problem is that by giving in I perpetuate an even bigger problem of the “I want it-itis” and the “Cry til I get it” tantrum.
Surely some of you other moms out there have this gooey mushy heart that melts problem? I actually thought I’d be a VERY strict mom. I thought I’d be a “you walk the line or else” type of mom. I’ll bet most of my friends and family would agree that this is what they expected. But when you’ve been through a miscarriage and infertility issues, it’s like you just can’t not give her what she wants. Because she gave you the thing you wanted most. So you owe her. Which I know is not true – she has no idea that she was a miracle baby. But I know it.
So learning to say No to her is a process. One I haven’t perfected yet. It’s slightly easier when she’s having a huge tantrum in the kitchen over wanting yet another bag of fruit chews. I should have made her a fruit chew costume for Halloween. I’ll bet she would have happily worn it. As it is, I have yet to get her in the Lion costume I bought her.
And the thing is, she makes me laugh most of the time. And I want to laugh! I want her to laugh! Just like my family did. I need to hypnotize my mom to get her to remember some specific details because she was (and is) an excellent mom. She had lines and you better not cross it. Yet we laughed. How did she do it? My brother and I were respectful and kind and mostly non-rebellious children and teenagers (me more than my Bro of course – I was the perfect one). She drew the line and we toed it. I can only remember a handful of times when I crossed that line and you better believe the repercussions made an impression. But the laughter was constant as well. Even when things went south, a lot of the time laughter fixed them.
I’ve got to figure out this mystery. How to be strict enough that she turns out respectful and kind, yet let the laughter be the thing she remembers most. I cherish my childhood. I cherish the time with my parents and my brother. Even as I now have a husband and two girls, I miss those days back when. My greatest wish for Baby Girl is that her childhood inspires her enough that she wishes to pass along the laughter to her children too.
