I was a terrible mother today. It is never a good thing when you start your day with a tantrum at 5:30 a.m. Baby Girl does not have a consistent wake up time each morning. Sometimes it is 5:30, sometimes 6 or 6:30. If she wakes up at 4 something (which happens quite often) I can convince her it’s still sleepy time and get her back to bed. 5:30 am, though, is NOT still sleepy time in her opinion. It is Mouse Time. Meaning we will go watch Mouse on the EE (TV as I explained once before) or ELSE. The ELSE meaning “throw myself on the floor and scream and cry until you give in” because for God’s sake it’s 5:30 am and I don’t have the strength to fight it. Usually I am still dead asleep at 5:30 am. Her crying Mama into the blackness that is 5:30 am is like a sledgehammer to my head.
This morning, at 5:30, I invited her into my own bed thinking that maybe she would snuggle in under my covers and we could all go back to sleep. She would not even consider the suggestion. The tantrum started before I could even get the words all the way out. NO! NO! Nooooooooo!!!!!! Mouse!! MOUSE!!! Somehow she manages to whine and cry and roll on the floor and say these things with the paccy still in her mouth. It’s actually fairly impressive. So I thought, ok, I’ll just ignore her and get in my bed. Maybe she’ll join me. Ha. No luck. Still whining, screaming, crying and writhing on the floor 15 mins later. If there were an Olympic sport in temper tantrumming Baby Girl would surely be in the medals.
I give in. Of course I do. The only other option would be to shut her door and wait it out, but honestly nobody is going back to sleep anyway so why bother? So I pick her up. Carry her down the hall. Set her sweetly in “her” chair where she promptly demands her Milk. I turn on the EE, get the milk and lay comatose on the couch for an hour. Of course actual sleeping on the couch is not going to happen. Once Baby Girl is awake, there is no way Mama is going to sleep. If I did I would awake to a mess in my house that would rival Hurricane whatever down in Haiti. Any time Dada is in charge somehow the Hurricane always starts before he realizes what is happening …. because he isn’t paying attention 100% at all times with his whole head, ears, nose and eyes like I tell him to! Her favorite thing is to turn every surface into a coloring book.
Anyways… so this entire day I have been a cranky, grumpy, yes, alright – bitchy, Mama. And to make it even better Baby Girl has also been cranky, whiny and helpless. She will literally lay on the floor and whine that she can’t “weach” something that is not one foot away. If she would just GET UP OFF THE FLOOR she could Weach it all day long. What is that about? If I walk away she just yells louder. And then there’s the clinginess. Mama mama mama mama OH MY GOD mama mama mama mama!!!!! Pick me up! Let me climb all over you and pull on your shirt! I wanna crawl into your lap and whine while you work! I can’t be away from you for one single second! Mama mama mama mama!!! I eat!! I hungry!! Sit! Sit! Sit! Outside! Inside! Mama mama mama!
So I escaped. As soon as hubby woke up I retreated into my bedroom and went back to bed. She cried of course. She wanted to be in the bed with me (because it wasn’t 5:30 am) and Dada had to remove her and shut the door while she screamed. Y’all it is really hard to take that guilt trip. But I was at the end of my short rope today so I did it. And as payback of course I had terrible dreams while I napped. Waking up left me even more annoyed with myself and the world in general, so I decided that I should go do some work outside. Maybe it would improve my mood. So once again Dada had to pick her off of my leg and hold her while she screamed so I could leave the house. Months ago (maybe even a year ago?) Hubby had to tell me that she only screams for about 30 seconds after I actually leave and then she’s perfectly fine. I did not believe him at first but eventually realized that what he said was true. It lessens the guilt trip slightly.
All day long today I have been evading that Baby Girl. Went to pick Sissy up at school and told her that I had to teach lessons that afternoon so Baby Girl was all hers. This never works as I want it to, however, as Baby Girl loves being with her Sissy for about ten minutes and then reverts back to mama mama mama mama! Came in after lessons and got Baby Girl happily eating some dinner and snuck off to take a solitary bath since Sissy was there to watch her. Less than five minutes later there is Baby Girl screaming at the door, and then in the bathroom with me, since she can now manage the door handle. And then in the bathtub with me. Seriously.
Then trying to get her PJ’s on and in the bed. To hell with our bedtime ritual tonight. After only five minutes of whining and crying she is asleep. Baby Girl is tired, too, and now I feel guilty for being such a terrible mama today.
And I’m all out of wine.